Every 36 seconds a divorce is filed in the United States.

Divorce has become increasingly common throughout the years, and Orange County is no exception. In Orange County alone, 72% of marriages end in divorce, with 33 people filing for divorce every day, according to Buncher Family Law, a law firm dedicated to assisting families with divorce, custody, and support issues. 

A common misconception of divorce is that it only tears down a marriage, when in reality, it tears down a family. While the effects of divorce are unique to each child, many experience difficulties forming healthy relationships in the future. 

For some individuals, a parents’ divorce may lead them to believe that all relationships are unstable and unreliable. Individuals with a parent who left their life entirely also tend to battle with feelings of abandonment and struggle to trust others. As a result, some children of divorced parents feel nervous entering romantic relationships. 

“I have trust issues in relationships from being cheated on and having a bad dad. It didn’t really set me up for the best relationship, left me with some daddy issues,” said Rachel, who was in fifth grade when her parents got divorced. She hasn’t had contact with her dad since. 

Lacking an example of a healthy, affectionate relationship in their household, some children of divorce feel uncomfortable receiving romantic attention and affection themselves. 

“I think sometimes in current relationships now, I find it hard to accept a lot of attention, care and comfort from the other person because I don’t always get that at home. At home, I don’t really know what it looks like to have a couple really love on each other. I know how to love someone because I’ve learned that through my faith and through watching friend’s parents, but in my own everyday life I don’t really see how parents interact with one another. I think it’s so weird that I’ll never come home and see my mom acting all ‘lovey dovey’ with someone, or see my two parents sitting on the couch together. So, when people try and act that way with me, I’m like ‘get off of me’ because I’m not used it. I’m not used to all that affection, it feels foreign to me,” said Emily, who was only in Kindergarten when her parents got divorced. She grew up with a single mom. 

Children of divorced parents may also find it difficult to ask their parents for advice on relationships or listen to their views on dating, feeling as if their advice is hypocritical considering their relationship failed. 

“I felt like I was kind of living an oxymoron. My mom would always tell me to wait till marriage, and marriage is a sacred thing. But my parents were never married. I didn’t have any role models to really see that,” said Alyssa. Her parents separated during her childhood.

But for some, a parent’s divorce encourages them to frequently be in relationships, desiring to fill the attention and love missing in their life. 

“When it first happened, I didn’t have any kind of father figure, so I kind of went down a rabbit hole of dating. I felt like I had to find male attention in teenage boys. My first boyfriend I started dating two months after I stopped talking to my dad, and I think I wanted that male attention and affection. I was very dependent on that guy for validation,” said Rachel. Since the divorce, Rachel has been in four long-term relationships. 

Divorce may not show individuals what they want in a relationship, however it can show them what they do not want. Many individuals have found that going through a parents’ divorce inspired them to ensure their marriage does not end up the same way their parents did. 

“It makes me want to make sure, before I go through with that when I am older, that I am with the right person. I know what I went through, and I wouldn’t want my future children to go through that,” said Jane, who was in seventh grade when her parents got divorced. 

“I want someone who’s not going to walk out when life gets hard,” said Rachel. 

The effects of a parents’ divorce on children can be far-reaching and long-lasting, as well as unique to each individual. However, with the right support and guidance, children of divorce can learn to overcome the struggles they have faced and form healthy relationships.

“One bad circumstance doesn’t define your whole life,” said Rachel. 

While divorce can have different effects on an individual’s dating life, relationships are ultimately what you make of them.