The Only Real ASB Presidential Candidate
April 1, 2015
Originating from Backhairistan, Bolbi Stroganovsky has found large success from his role in children’s tv show Jimmy Neutron. Desiring more of a challenge, Stroganovsky decided to run for the 2015-2016 ASB President at San Juan Hills High School.
He was obviously the best choice not only due to the fact he is well qualified, seeing as he easily won the title at Lindbergh Elementary, but also because of his immense leadership skills. Being able to balance a lead role in a popular tv show and maintain an impressive presidency is just the beginning of what Stroganovsky is capable of.
One of his lead campaign managers has leaked to The Express that the Bolbi Stroganovsky Administration had “an incredibly strong turnout”.
His world famous “slap, slap, slap, clap, clap, clap” dance had Stallions from all grades exhibiting more than substantial participation; it unified the campus.
A few voiced their concerns about Stroganovsky not having enough experience in campaigning in SJHHS ASB, not displaying enough school spirit, and even went as far as to judge him based on his faint Russian accent.
Let’s be real, his posters were everywhere.
Stroganovsky has clearly done this before, once again proven by his student council presidency. His dance is known nationwide. No other presidential candidate was able to bring schoolwide excitement and unity between the grades.Those who criticize his accent are undoubtedly envious of how he makes the ladies swoon over it and how good he makes hefty look.
Not only is Stroganovsky handsome and fashionable, but he is also ambitious. His right hand man informed The Express that Stroganovsky hoped to “spread the practice of both slapping and clapping across campus” as well as embellish the already fabulous school lunch menu with kebabs. Yes, there would have been vegetarian and vegan kebabs because Bolbi knows his Stallions.
The Bolbi Stroganovsky Administration might have showed up late to the election game, but amassed more supporters than the other candidates. His campaign managers were confident that the time for Bolbi Stroganovsky to ride in a convertible and princess wave to the San Juan Stallions was approaching.
Disaster and injustice struck when ASB refused to honor Stroganovsky’s campaign. His name was not put on the ballot, and his election video was excluded. Whether these crimes were done out of fear or malice, it is still not clear. Despite this oppression, Stallions continued to show their support and “would write him in” on their ballots; reported by current ASB President Sanjan Kumar (12).While Stroganovsky will not be able to spread the joy of his dance made of pure elegance, he has promised to coach next year’s candidate.
Please click on this link to view the amazing, tear jerking presidential video of the one and only Bolbi Stroganovsky.
Jon Boardman • Apr 3, 2015 at 3:54 PM
I started noticing the Bolbi posters Monday morning and got a big kick out of it. What was once supposed to be a prank, from the look of it, soon turned in to this crazy movement that had all the Stallions talking about it! Bolbi truly was a perfect candidate for San Juan Hills!
Ryan Brown • Apr 3, 2015 at 9:37 AM
I think that having Bolbi in the campaign this year was a great addition. It gave the students a welcome break from the boredom that is usually associated with elections. This article was very well written and did a great honor to the Bolbi Administration.