Love bombing is a form of emotional abuse that has become widely recognized on social media. It is an explosive conduct that seems endearing at first but is ultimately manipulation.
The lovebomb phenomenon describes a person who excessively showers their romantic interest with “love” to get what they want. It can seem sweet at first, but it leads to codependency, unhealthy communication, and the destruction of healthy boundaries. This all happens rapidly, and oftentimes without awareness.
“Love bombing is relative, that means there’s no one size fits all and what is considered love bombing and what is not. People that use love bombing to try to manipulate you are really good at reading you,” said licensed mental health counselor Micheline Maalouf.
Love bombing is different for everyone. When tension happens in a relationship, the love bomber can compromise, apologize, or even respond with physical abuse. This is because they will do whatever they need to keep you attached, and further develop codependency, an excessive emotional or psychological reliance, in the relationship.
If you turn down advances from a person who’s love bombing you or they feel you’re not responding to their needs, they might threaten or berate you,”
— Psychologist Alaina Tiani, PhD.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, there are three phases to love bombing. Idealization, devaluation, and discard. Love bombing is an abuse cycle that continues if not broken.
In the idealization phase, the manipulator gives you the affection and attention you desire in order to get you to let your guard down. The idealization phase is emotionally intense. You will often be showered with unnecessary gifts. Intense discussion about your future together early on is one sign of love bombing. These unofficial plans for the future can then be used during arguments as a tactic to keep you around. This is because they don’t want you to picture a life without them, so they paint themselves as essential to your future happiness.
In the devaluation stage, the love bomber feels secure in their control of you. They do not think you will be able to leave, so they are not afraid to let red flags slip. They may demand that you spend more time with them, or exclude others from your life. They frequently get upset if you do something without them. When tension happens between you two, they may gaslight you. This is where physical abusers take advantage of their victims.
The discard phase is tricky because abusers are usually confronted when their victim tries to maintain their boundaries. When confronted, the love bomber tends to deflect and avoid your valid points and emotions.
Love bombers are manipulators who abuse those that they “care for” and “love” by creating a false reality for their victims, making themselves seem too good to be true for personal gain throughout the relationship. Love bombing causes emotional damage that leaves people feeling empty, confused, conflicted, and guilty. But, healing is possible.
Love bombing is not a characteristic of true love. True love is mutual respect, empathy, and compassion.
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, “Ultimately, you are the only one who knows what makes you feel comfortable and what does not. We know that all relationships exist on a spectrum from healthy to abusive.”
Ending this cycle of abuse is always difficult for victims because they often form codependent relationships with their abusers. However, it should be understood that personal boundaries are important, and needing support is okay.
HOTLINES:
Call 1.800.799.7233, TTY 1.800.787.3224, or chat National Domestic Violence Hotline at www.thehotline.org
