When it came time for me to write my personal statement for college applications, I struggled to find a way to talk about my bi-racial identity without coming across as “too Asian.” Writing about my race and my mom’s immigrant hardships felt too basic, but my ethnicity and background are integral to who I am.

Upon beginning the college admissions process, stating my race didn’t seem to be that big of a deal. However, I quickly began to worry that checking the box would actually harm me, as my relatives suggested that with my father’s surname, I could pass for white and avoid the possibility of my application being disadvantaged by a race-based lens.

They told me about the complexity of the affirmative action issue in college applications, which can be seen as both an attempt to expand diversity in education and a limit to the enrollment of Asian Americans. However, because college admissions committees often seem shrouded in secrecy, it is difficult to measure how significant ethnic preference or discrimination against Asian American applicants really is. 

In 2014, a lawsuit against Harvard College by the nonprofit group Students for Fair Admissions (SFFA) quickly drew attention to the issue of educational equity and racial discrimination in affirmative action programs in college admissions. In the lawsuit, SFFA accused the university of systematically discriminating against Asian American applicants in favor of white applicants.

Although Harvard admitted to using race as a factor in its admissions process, the college argued that its race-conscious admissions policy adheres to the requirements for race and does not intentionally discriminate against Asian Americans. The Court decided that Harvard did not engage in racial balancing and that the university’s policy was just narrowly targeted to “harness the benefits of a diverse student body.”

While the case found no evidence of intentional discrimination by Harvard against Asian-American applicants, concerns of racial preferences in college admissions have significantly grown. Because Asian-American students have on average met a higher bar academically than other races, Asian-American students may be concerned they are being pitted against others of their own ethnicity. 

“In the past, being Asian used to help your chances a lot, but now I feel like not so much,” said a senior who asked to remain anonymous for protection during the application process. “In my applications, I didn’t say that I was Asian because I have a white last name. I didn’t want to hide my ethnicity but I thought that putting it would affect me since there are so many other Asian people that are really smart and college admissions are already competitive.” 

While the fear of racial stereotypes and inequity is prominent for many who may be under the impression that race is a determining factor in one’s admission, a race-conscious admissions process is necessary to ensure diversity. 

In a study by Princeton sociologist Thomas J. Espenshade, which looked at data from elite colleges to assess what would happen if race and ethnicity were eliminated completely from consideration, it was shown that the acceptance rate for African-American students at elite colleges would likely drop by two-thirds and the acceptance rate for Hispanic students would be cut in half. Evidently, affirmative action in college admissions is intended to prioritize diversity and increase opportunity for underrepresented minority applicants such as Black and Latinx students.

“There are pros and cons to it. I think race-conscious admissions are a good thing because it shows that they’re trying to increase diversity in schools but also race shouldn’t be a sole factor of someone being admitted,” said the anonymous student.

The true meaning of racial preferences and affirmative action in college admissions is in limbo, leaving many Asian students, like myself, to decide what is beneficial or harmful in our applications. In what cases are racial preferences “ok” or beneficial and when would they be considered as discrimination? Now, Asian-American students must navigate their way through fears, pressures, and stereotypes as they take on the college admissions process.