Why The Government Is Behind The Black Death

Note: this piece is entirely satirical. Statistics included here are well-researched and correct, but claims levied against the government are not, and should not be understood as such or interpreted as factual in any way, shape, or form. 

Ryan Healy, Art, Graphics, & Video Editor

We’re now in the third month of 2020, and it’s not looking good so far. We’ve had conflict with Iran, Australian natural disasters devastating the continent, and the Corona Virus epidemic in China, now spreading around the globe. That’s not the only widespread illness we’re facing- the Black Death has returned, and it’s the government’s fault. Everyone says that it’s the “Roaring Twenties” again and it’s time to party; however the “Roaring 20’s” are NOT enjoyable, despite the original “Roaring 20’s” being about lavish and extravagant parties and celebration in the euphoric victory of World War 1. We won what was at the time called “the Great War,” and we were super happy about it. Everybody was partying, drinking, and just having a good time. Plus, it was jazz. Jazz is ALWAYS a good thing. 

In both 1820 and 1920, there were minor to mild outbreaks of the Black Death plague- the one that devastated Europe and killed anywhere between 75 to 200 million people in the time between 1347 and 1351. There was also economic decline in the 1920’s Great Depression, but we won’t mention that monetary “plague,” mainly because in the 1820’s time we were in an era of economic prosperity, that would lead to disaster, but oh no I’ve gone too far off topic. 

Here’s the conspiracy theory that all of this has led up to: every 100 years, the government re-releases the Black Death in a dystopian-style population thinning. The survivors are toughened and result in a stronger, ideally smaller population,”

In recent years, there have been a couple cases of the Bubonic Plague. They weren’t extremely widespread but they did result in deaths. 

Furthermore, there’s always been the problem of overpopulation and climate change whose pace is amplified as a result of  overpopulation, and the industry people create. Climate change has ALWAYS been a thing, but it’s worsened as a result of industrialization and carbon emissions. 

Needless to say, the amount of us people is a problem. Part of the reason the Black Death was so widespread was because people were living in tight quarters back then. It might’ve just been a mild outbreak akin to the flu, but because homes were so close to each other, the Plague had LOTS of places to spread to. Seeing as we are facing overpopulation similar to back then, present day congregations of people are only allowing a hypothetical Plague work its magic. 

Further, we’ve always had anti-vaccination movements, but they’ve gained significant support in the modern era. Many people are opposed to vaccinations, citing illogical and inconclusive studies. In some extreme cases, those opposed to vaccines will stay true to their beliefs, despite their children dying from exposure to diseases that their own immune system would have defeated if they were vaccinated. 

Side note: the way vaccines work, simply put, is you are exposed to a very small amount of the disease or illness it’s preventing. Your white blood cells can fight it and build immunity to it so you are protected in the future. 

Some go so far as to say that “vaccines cause autism,” which is a whole different story that I do not want to get into, as an autistic myself. Yes, I’ve been vaccinated, but I promise my autism has nothing to do with that.  

Here’s the conspiracy theory that all of this has led up to: every 100 years, the government re-releases the Black Death in a dystopian-style population thinning. The survivors are toughened and result in a stronger, ideally smaller population. 

Let’s look at the facts: 

>Vaccinations were invented by Edward Jenner in 1796, and the first inoculation against smallpox was given in 1798. 

>In both 1857 and 1900, cases of the Bubonic plague were reported. 1857 was in Portugal, while 1900 killed the 41-year old Wong Chut King in San Francisco. 

>2015 saw 16 cases of the Bubonic plague in the U.S. alone. 

The conclusion is simple: to solve overpopulation and toughen the species to prepare for space colonization, the government re-introduces cases of the bubonic plague every century. For the duration of the epidemic period of infestation, the government  spread lies through the media that vaccines are bad for your health, causing mass hysteria and generating an anti-vaccination movement. They do this so that we build immunity independently, without vaccines resulting in a developing strength.. The government is preparing for both biological warfare and space colonization, and they want genetically strengthened people to fight it. 

Stay safe. Wash your hands. Get vaccinated.
Survive the Plague. I’ll see you in space.