The Express

Government Up and Running Again After 37 Years

Congressmen+Buck+Bumer+and+Baul+Byan+were+at+a+great+disagreement+over+what+to+have+for+dinner.+Although+the+problem+has+been+resolved+after+over+three+decades%2C+negotiations+over+next+week%27s+meals+begin+tomorrow.+
Congressmen Buck Bumer and Baul Byan were at a great disagreement over what to have for dinner. Although the problem has been resolved after over three decades, negotiations over next week's meals begin tomorrow.

Congressmen Buck Bumer and Baul Byan were at a great disagreement over what to have for dinner. Although the problem has been resolved after over three decades, negotiations over next week's meals begin tomorrow.

Kate Finman

Kate Finman

Congressmen Buck Bumer and Baul Byan were at a great disagreement over what to have for dinner. Although the problem has been resolved after over three decades, negotiations over next week's meals begin tomorrow.

Kate Meyers, Girls Sports Editor

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The government is dusting off the cobwebs after being shut down for 37 years over their vehement disagreement over what should be had for dinner.

The Democrats were adamant about making Mexican or Chinese take-out an option for the menu, but the Republicans insisted that everyone only eat American hot dogs, hamburgers, and pizza for the rest of their lives.

However, a major mistake was made by the Republicans. What they failed to remember is that hamburgers and hot dogs come from Germany, and pizza comes from Italy, not American foods. Not one food, besides pumpkins, are even one hundred percent American.

“No! We can’t have these foods of different cultures in our America; they pose threats to our people! Not to mention, they’re taking attention and business away from the American food places! What will happen to McDonalds and Pizza Hut?” argued Carl Conservative.

We can’t have these foods of different cultures in our America; they pose threats to our people!”

— Carl Conservative

“They’re bringing their noodles, we could choke on them! They’re bringing their salsa; our mouths could BURN!”  said Ronald Rump.

Baul Bryan continues to lack a spine or an ability to form his own opinions, claiming “that’s not really what he said, it doesn’t have to be interpreted that way” when asked about his thoughts on Ronald Rump’s insensitive statements about multi-cultural foods.

The Democrats knew the Republicans wanted dessert, and offered bringing chocolate cake or even ice cream in exchange for the ability to order dinner from anywhere, but the Republicans refused to compromise.

In fact, they tried to force the Democrats to bring dessert without giving them any new menu options.

The Democrats stood their ground, Lucy Liberal said “We refuse to bring the dessert unless we’re allowed to bring in food as we please. This isn’t fair!”

Many resolutions were “brought to the table” and rejected. Each side tried to make sacrifices, but, for 37 years, none were good enough for to fix America’s crisis.

Eventually, Ronald Rump was overruled, and both sides agreed to talk about ordering from different restaurants. The Democrats will not be forced to bring the dessert: if the Republicans want dessert, they’re going to have to get their own but for now, the government is back up and running.

 

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About the Writer
Kate Meyers, Girls Sports Editor
Kate is a freshman at SJHHS and the Girls Sports Editor of The Express. Her passion for photography and writing inspired her to apply for the newspaper, and she could not be happier to have a chance to write for SJHHS. Outside of school, she loves playing softball, taking pictures, and listening to music.
14 Comments

14 Responses to “Government Up and Running Again After 37 Years”

  1. Jack Thompson on February 5th, 2018 8:38 PM

    This article was actually one of the funniest I’ve ever read. Even though it was clearly satirical, the basis in factual events made it an insightful analysis as well.

    [Reply]

  2. Lauren on February 5th, 2018 8:51 PM

    Very eye-opening! Well said, Kate!

    [Reply]

  3. Zoie on February 5th, 2018 9:00 PM

    this is a really creative way to put America’s government problems into perspective, it also is funny which makes it ten times better.

    [Reply]

  4. Leah on February 5th, 2018 9:07 PM

    This article is very interesting and it lets people see a different perspective on our government.

    [Reply]

  5. Alyssa Anzalone on February 5th, 2018 9:09 PM

    Kate why are you good at everything you do??? Love this!!!

    [Reply]

  6. Austin Zielenbach on February 5th, 2018 9:11 PM

    This honestly was so funny, but also informational. Well done Kate!

    [Reply]

  7. Austin Zielenbach on February 5th, 2018 9:11 PM

    This honestly was so funny, but also informational. Great job!

    [Reply]

  8. Daddy on February 5th, 2018 9:22 PM

    BUILD THE WALL

    [Reply]

  9. Daddy on February 5th, 2018 9:23 PM

    Salty liberals out here like

    [Reply]

  10. Chloe on February 5th, 2018 9:28 PM

    This is so funny and well-written! I think it’s one of the funniest things I’ve read about politics right now!!

    [Reply]

  11. anna on February 5th, 2018 10:08 PM

    I thought you had a very interesting point. Loved the article.

    [Reply]

  12. izzy on February 6th, 2018 5:35 AM

    i was laughing the whole time, that was such a creative way to put this whole thing.

    [Reply]

  13. Niko on February 6th, 2018 7:32 PM

    Great new insight and written well. Also very funny!

    [Reply]

  14. John doe III on March 21st, 2018 9:10 AM

    what is this article even about? I do not understand.

    [Reply]

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