Mrs. Beilstein

Cambria Beilstein, current drama teacher at SJHHS, grew up in San Diego, went to Grossmont High School and graduated in ‘04. San Diego was a predominantly conservative community at the time, and excluded members of the LGBTQ+ community.

Despite the obvious opposition from community members and classmates,Camyron, one of Beilstein’s best friends, came out as a bisexual.

Camyron began exploring her sexuality around her freshman year, and consequently faced harsh responses from her peers.

“She was an open person and never pushed anyone away. She was always open about how she felt about things, loved Harry Potter, and was a really caring human being. She started trying to find herself, and it was not reacted to well at my high school,” said Beilstein.

As a result of her progressive attitude Camyron was constantly bullied. She didn’t face physical abuse, but instead encountered snide comments as people talked about her behind her back. Others even went as far to say that she was lying about her sexuality in order to be trendy. From Beilstein’s perspective, however, it didn’t seem to impact Camyron at all; she just brushed it off.

“We thought that everything was fine, that she was going through it, and it was going to be okay. We never saw her cry or get sad and depressed.”

In addition to her issues at school, her mother was often occupied with parties and social events. As a result, Camyron was left to take care of her younger sister, Paisley, and assume an adult role at home. “I think she was a bit overextended,” Beilstein added.  

Over the winter break of her sophomore year, Beilstein was approached by a friend from Camyron’s old school. The friend was asking Beilstein questions about Camyron, like what Camyron was upto and how she was doing.

“I said that I hadn’t heard from her all of break and that I had assumed she was out of town. Her friend then told me that she couldn’t get ahold of her, that she wasn’t at her house and that nobody knew where she was.”

They soon learned that Paisely, Camyron’s seven year old sister, found Camyron on the floor of her bedroom after she had fatally shot herself.

Beilstein and her friends were completely shocked by this. They weren’t aware there was a problem because Camyron had always appeared strong and stable. If any of their friends had a problem, she was always there to help them.

“Sometimes I think the most emotionally vulnerable people are those that are the most open to helping other people, because they aren’t processing what they’re [personally] going through.”

Camyron left three different notes, one for her mother, one for her sister, and one for her friends.

In the note to her friends, she explained that her suicide wasn’t their fault and why she had hidden her depression. Camyron didn’t want to burden them with her feelings.

“It didn’t help. We all still felt like it was our fault, that we could have seen something. We wished that she had told us so that we could have helped her. And that’s something that I think I struggled with for a long time.”

The fact that Camyron kept this a secret was difficult for Beilstein and her friends to handle; they couldn’t understand why she didn’t trust them enough to confide in them. Ultimately though, it showed them how caring Camyron really was. “She really didn’t want to be a burden on anyone else [by telling them],” added Beilstein.

Watching the impact the suicide had on Camyron’s family, Beilstein realized firsthand that suicide and issues relating to it hurt so many people.

“Her mom had a really hard time and I’m sure Paisley did too. It’s like a ripple; suicide affects everybody. It affects a lot more people than you might think, even the outward community. In Camyron’s case, even some people who barely knew her were really affected.”

She explained that Camyron’s mother went completely downhill, partying so much that Paisley had to be removed from the home by Child Protective Services and placed in foster care.

This experience has shaped many of Beilstein’s views on life today, and has shaped her belief that people should be mindful of what they are saying.

“Referring to little things as “gay” as an insult and also [saying] things like “I want to kill myself” are so common in our language and those comments could be unknowingly affecting the person next to you and [by using those phrases] you’re making light of it.”

Beilstein tries to use Camyron’s story as a guide when she talks to her students about treating each other with kindness and respect, no matter how much someone seems like they can handle rude comments. “I try to do the same in my own life,” said Beilstein. “You never know when someone is really going to need to talk or if what you say could prevent them from making that choice on that particular day.”